Damn right!
http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/2010/06/14/breastfeeding-is-a-feminist-issue/
Down Under Feminist Carnival - yea. One day I will be brave enough to nominate myself. When I've written something I'm a little in love with I think.
http://rachelhills.tumblr.com/post/665473491/the-best-of-the-rest-of-the-blogosphere-down-under-femin
The way Blue Milk writes is just so...right.
http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2010/06/12/the-love-and-the-hate/
I think she is brave for writing this, because when I have expressed simlair things to other people they seem SHOCKED that you could hate parenting, or loathe that your child is awake. Because us parents, especially us mothers, we are martyrs and sacrifice ourselves on the altar of our kids - bleurgh!.
Thoughts on vulvas, what we do to them and how this fits in to our current culture (western, privileged culture)
http://thedawnchorus.wordpress.com/2010/05/24/nick-cut/
This really says everything I need to say about consent and how the patriarchy works against it. And maybe how women are taught about consent. It's not just yes and no.
http://jezebel.com/5550321/why-the-kendra-wilkinson-sex-tape-should-make-you-angry
Women's friendships with women. Did you learn how to deal with conflict?
http://thehathorlegacy.com/women-solidarity-and-no-conflict-ever-programming/
Friday, June 18, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Some answers on Rape Culture and why you can't stop yourself being raped.
Some of my girlfriends read this post and they made questions along these lines:
Saying that a girl isn't thinking about her safety by going somewhere with a group of men isn't being sexist, it's just about safety.
I'm paraphrasing of course, but I think that was the gist of their comments (apologies if I'm misrepresenting you, my loves!).
I couldn't answer you at the time, except to say THAT is exactly the problem and THAT is rape culture right there.
Having pondered on it, I can now (hopefully) answer you better. And maybe these things could help too.
Maybe it isn't safe to go somewhere with a group of guys. Maybe it is. The point is, as long as we question what a woman was doing in a given situation where she was raped, verbally or sexually abused or had her safety threatened we are blaming her. We are saying that she COULD have done something different. And when does that stop? And who gets to decide? And when is it unsafe? (especially considering you are more likely to be raped or sexually assualted by someone you know)
Is it unsafe when you have drunk too much? How much is too much? 1 drink, 4 drink, 10 drinks?
When your skirt is too short? How short? How tight?
When you were too flirty? What's flirty? Who decides?
When you were with too many strangers? How many is too many? When does a person become someone you can know and trust?
When you were dancing suggestively? What makes it suggestive? How should you dance?
When you were having intimate interactions with someone? At what point does it mean that you were 'up for it'? When does it become 'too late to back out'?
As long as we make these calls on women - What were they doing there? How come they were that drunk? Why were they wearing that, at that time, at that location - we are placing the onus on women to keep themselves safe, to keep themselves from being raped. At what point do we stop limiting ourselves and our actions to be safe? We can't stop ourselves from being raped, anymore then we can stop being smited by a vengeful sprite :D.
We can't stop it happening to us, because we can't do anything to cause it. That is not meant to frighten you, it is meant to free you. Women can't stop rape occuring to them, because it's not our actions (or inactions) that cause rape.
Rapists cause rape.
Rapists are the only ones who can stop it.
(I understand that there is actions women can take to educate men (who are the people most likely to rape other people, especially women) about consent, but that is not the argument I am refuting, or the point I am trying to make. Hope that makes sense...)
Saying that a girl isn't thinking about her safety by going somewhere with a group of men isn't being sexist, it's just about safety.
I'm paraphrasing of course, but I think that was the gist of their comments (apologies if I'm misrepresenting you, my loves!).
I couldn't answer you at the time, except to say THAT is exactly the problem and THAT is rape culture right there.
Having pondered on it, I can now (hopefully) answer you better. And maybe these things could help too.
Maybe it isn't safe to go somewhere with a group of guys. Maybe it is. The point is, as long as we question what a woman was doing in a given situation where she was raped, verbally or sexually abused or had her safety threatened we are blaming her. We are saying that she COULD have done something different. And when does that stop? And who gets to decide? And when is it unsafe? (especially considering you are more likely to be raped or sexually assualted by someone you know)
Is it unsafe when you have drunk too much? How much is too much? 1 drink, 4 drink, 10 drinks?
When your skirt is too short? How short? How tight?
When you were too flirty? What's flirty? Who decides?
When you were with too many strangers? How many is too many? When does a person become someone you can know and trust?
When you were dancing suggestively? What makes it suggestive? How should you dance?
When you were having intimate interactions with someone? At what point does it mean that you were 'up for it'? When does it become 'too late to back out'?
As long as we make these calls on women - What were they doing there? How come they were that drunk? Why were they wearing that, at that time, at that location - we are placing the onus on women to keep themselves safe, to keep themselves from being raped. At what point do we stop limiting ourselves and our actions to be safe? We can't stop ourselves from being raped, anymore then we can stop being smited by a vengeful sprite :D.
We can't stop it happening to us, because we can't do anything to cause it. That is not meant to frighten you, it is meant to free you. Women can't stop rape occuring to them, because it's not our actions (or inactions) that cause rape.
Rapists cause rape.
Rapists are the only ones who can stop it.
(I understand that there is actions women can take to educate men (who are the people most likely to rape other people, especially women) about consent, but that is not the argument I am refuting, or the point I am trying to make. Hope that makes sense...)
Monday, March 22, 2010
The neverending struggle
So
I am relatively new to this whole parenting gig. About a year new. And I am a SAHM and my husband works, so the lion's share of care falls to me. This is the decision we made, and I am all good with that.
We just recently celebrated the Bubbanor's 1st birthday a few weeks ago.
And for the most part, I love it. It's endlessly fascinating and entertaining and changing.
But it also WORK. And the part that I find the most work? Not the nappy washing, the bum changing, the breast feeding, the food feeding, the outfit changing and all that associate drudgery.
It is ensuring that my partner is involved in her care when we are together. Let me clarify, when I am not there he is all fine with her routine, and going out and about and making decision about what to do when and where.
But when I am there, he abdicates this responsibility to me. Because I know her best, because it is second nature to me to pack her bag early, to decide to go out at this time because it work best for that nap or mealtime. And it would be easy for me to let him do that. But that is not what I signed up for. That is not how I want our parenting to be. So I work at it.
What time do you think we should head out tomorrow?
When works best for X?
You decide, you know her schedule, what do you think is best?
X time.
Good, okay, cool.
The problem is that I am the one that always asks this question - if I don't ask it, it is assumed that I am taking care of it.
At bathtime, if I am there, he forgets to get out a night nappy, pyjamas, to check the time, and so he will ask for me to do these things. He copes when I am not there, but when I am there, he abdicates again and again.
I am the one who keeps an eye on the clock for snacks, for lunch, for bathtime. I am the one who reminds him that is the time for these things. Because if I don't remind him, then they are left for me.
I know I need to talk to him about this, and I know he is aware he does it but he still does it. It would be less tiring to give up and just do those things myself - without the reminder, without pushing him to make the decision. And it has suprised me, that this thing is the most tiring part of parenting.
But I refuse to capitulate. But it is work and I don't feel like it will ever end. It is tiring to continually be struggling
Is this an unusual parenting thing or does this tend to happen when one parent has the lion's share of care? I would be interested in your responses and thoughts....
I am relatively new to this whole parenting gig. About a year new. And I am a SAHM and my husband works, so the lion's share of care falls to me. This is the decision we made, and I am all good with that.
We just recently celebrated the Bubbanor's 1st birthday a few weeks ago.
And for the most part, I love it. It's endlessly fascinating and entertaining and changing.
But it also WORK. And the part that I find the most work? Not the nappy washing, the bum changing, the breast feeding, the food feeding, the outfit changing and all that associate drudgery.
It is ensuring that my partner is involved in her care when we are together. Let me clarify, when I am not there he is all fine with her routine, and going out and about and making decision about what to do when and where.
But when I am there, he abdicates this responsibility to me. Because I know her best, because it is second nature to me to pack her bag early, to decide to go out at this time because it work best for that nap or mealtime. And it would be easy for me to let him do that. But that is not what I signed up for. That is not how I want our parenting to be. So I work at it.
What time do you think we should head out tomorrow?
When works best for X?
You decide, you know her schedule, what do you think is best?
X time.
Good, okay, cool.
The problem is that I am the one that always asks this question - if I don't ask it, it is assumed that I am taking care of it.
At bathtime, if I am there, he forgets to get out a night nappy, pyjamas, to check the time, and so he will ask for me to do these things. He copes when I am not there, but when I am there, he abdicates again and again.
I am the one who keeps an eye on the clock for snacks, for lunch, for bathtime. I am the one who reminds him that is the time for these things. Because if I don't remind him, then they are left for me.
I know I need to talk to him about this, and I know he is aware he does it but he still does it. It would be less tiring to give up and just do those things myself - without the reminder, without pushing him to make the decision. And it has suprised me, that this thing is the most tiring part of parenting.
But I refuse to capitulate. But it is work and I don't feel like it will ever end. It is tiring to continually be struggling
Is this an unusual parenting thing or does this tend to happen when one parent has the lion's share of care? I would be interested in your responses and thoughts....
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Take two, and teaspooning
Okay.
Hi again, loyal readers *waves*
So I did plan to post regularly and you can see what has happened with regards to that.
So take two on the regular posting and we'll see how we go from here.
I think I am (as always) too ambitious and then I get overwhlemed so do nothing! Hence, just a short post today.
I've done a bit of teaspooning this(scroll to teaspooning) week. Just a little one, but important.
My lovely Dad, and my lovely husband both made a couple of off-the-cuff comments to other males about "Not being a girl" or "How's your ovaries" and "Stop being a girl". Y'know the comments that use girl/female/so called feminine behaviour as an insult. I told them that this was not appropriate and by saying those comments they were saying that being a girl was worse then being a man. I said that I don't want my daughter exposed to that type of comment. My Dad seemed to take it on board, at least I think he will curb those comments around my daughter and his other grandchildren. My husband, stubborn, argumentative love that he is, didn't really get it, but seems to understand that I find it offensive and will curb it on the basis of that.
So my little act of teaspooning for the week. It was both easier and harder than I thought it would be.
Hi again, loyal readers *waves*
So I did plan to post regularly and you can see what has happened with regards to that.
So take two on the regular posting and we'll see how we go from here.
I think I am (as always) too ambitious and then I get overwhlemed so do nothing! Hence, just a short post today.
I've done a bit of teaspooning this(scroll to teaspooning) week. Just a little one, but important.
My lovely Dad, and my lovely husband both made a couple of off-the-cuff comments to other males about "Not being a girl" or "How's your ovaries" and "Stop being a girl". Y'know the comments that use girl/female/so called feminine behaviour as an insult. I told them that this was not appropriate and by saying those comments they were saying that being a girl was worse then being a man. I said that I don't want my daughter exposed to that type of comment. My Dad seemed to take it on board, at least I think he will curb those comments around my daughter and his other grandchildren. My husband, stubborn, argumentative love that he is, didn't really get it, but seems to understand that I find it offensive and will curb it on the basis of that.
So my little act of teaspooning for the week. It was both easier and harder than I thought it would be.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Link-o-rama
Down Under Feminist Carnival
Much food for thought
Schrodingers rapist
I. can't. begin. to. explain. how. awesome. this. post. is.
READ IT! Make the men in your life read it.
To one day be able to express myself thus...
Go Fug Yourself
Snarky fashion commentary - coz us hairy feminists laugh too, believe it or not!
Teaspoons aren't enough
The small stuff counts. Also, FYI Teaspoons refer to taking a teaspoon out of the ocean - it may not seem to be doing much, but if we all did it, then we could empty the ocean (of sexism, patriarchy, ableism etc etc)
Target Women: Beauty Contraptions
Tee hee. 9306 times. Times what? LOL
Enjoy - and more coming soon - Rape Culture - Part Deux and Breastfeeding - boobies, boobies, boobies!
Much food for thought
Schrodingers rapist
I. can't. begin. to. explain. how. awesome. this. post. is.
READ IT! Make the men in your life read it.
To one day be able to express myself thus...
Go Fug Yourself
Snarky fashion commentary - coz us hairy feminists laugh too, believe it or not!
Teaspoons aren't enough
The small stuff counts. Also, FYI Teaspoons refer to taking a teaspoon out of the ocean - it may not seem to be doing much, but if we all did it, then we could empty the ocean (of sexism, patriarchy, ableism etc etc)
Target Women: Beauty Contraptions
Tee hee. 9306 times. Times what? LOL
Enjoy - and more coming soon - Rape Culture - Part Deux and Breastfeeding - boobies, boobies, boobies!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Rape Culture - some scenarios
Rape culture - Scenario 1.
What is rape culture? What does it mean? How does it affect your day to day life?
People much smarter, more eloquent and sucicint then I, have defined rape culture - check out some definitions here and here.
So I want to discuss the rape culture that I see. This is not the things that are maybe the most obvious and these are not things that come from those Rapists that are identifiable threats - you know the drunk guy in the alley way with the knife.
These are things that I see in men (and women). Men and women that I really like and that for most cases, love, adore and respect. It's not that these people are assholes, it's that because we live in a rape culture, they don't realise (and neither did I for a long time) that this shit sounds acceptable because just about everybody is doing it! A few scenarios to help us on our way...the first after the jump...
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Feminisim 101
So - I identify as a feminist.
I used to say 'No I'm not a feminist, I'm for equality". Mainly because that word "Feminist" was too confronting, too on the offense for the majority of people I speak to. And I did not have the knowledge to argue further.
But now I'm trying to learn. And I understand the Feminism is all about Equality. And I'm trying to live my life with a little more "Hey, not cool" when I see patriarchy, misogyny and rape culture going on.
But I'm learning, and I'm navigating my way through to my own brand of feminism. And I have a lot of reading to do on theory, of which I have done pretty much nada.
I used to say 'No I'm not a feminist, I'm for equality". Mainly because that word "Feminist" was too confronting, too on the offense for the majority of people I speak to. And I did not have the knowledge to argue further.
But now I'm trying to learn. And I understand the Feminism is all about Equality. And I'm trying to live my life with a little more "Hey, not cool" when I see patriarchy, misogyny and rape culture going on.
But I'm learning, and I'm navigating my way through to my own brand of feminism. And I have a lot of reading to do on theory, of which I have done pretty much nada.
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