Monday, March 22, 2010

The neverending struggle

I am relatively new to this whole parenting gig.  About a year new. And I am a SAHM and my husband works, so the lion's share of care falls to me.  This is the decision we made, and I am all good with that.

We just recently celebrated the Bubbanor's 1st birthday a few weeks ago.
And for the most part, I love it.  It's endlessly fascinating and entertaining and changing.

But it also WORK. And the part that I find the most work? Not the nappy washing, the bum changing, the breast feeding, the food feeding, the outfit changing and all that associate drudgery.

It is ensuring that my partner is involved in her care when we are together.  Let me clarify, when I am not there he is all fine with her routine, and going out and about and making decision about what to do when and where.

But when I am there, he abdicates this responsibility to me.  Because I know her best, because it is second nature to me to pack her bag early, to decide to go out at this time because it work best for that nap or mealtime.  And it would be easy for me to let him do that.  But that is not what I signed up for. That is not how I want our parenting to be.  So I work at it.

What time do you think we should head out tomorrow?

When works best for X?

You decide, you know her schedule, what do you think is best?

X time.

Good, okay, cool.

The problem is that I am the one that always asks this question - if I don't ask it, it is assumed that I am taking care of it.

At bathtime, if I am there, he forgets to get out a night nappy, pyjamas, to check the time, and so he will ask for me to do these things.  He copes when I am not there, but when I am there, he abdicates again and again.

I am the one who keeps an eye on the clock for snacks, for lunch, for bathtime. I am the one who reminds him that is the time for these things.  Because if I don't remind him, then they are left for me.

I know I need to talk to him about this, and I know he is aware he does it but he still does it.  It would be less tiring to give up and just do those things myself - without the reminder, without pushing him to make the decision. And it has suprised me, that this thing is the most tiring part of parenting.

 But I refuse to capitulate.  But it is work and I don't feel like it will ever end. It is tiring to continually be struggling

Is this an unusual parenting thing or does this tend to happen when one parent has the lion's share of care?  I would be interested in your responses and thoughts....

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Take two, and teaspooning


Hi again, loyal readers *waves*

So I did plan to post regularly and you can see what has happened with regards to that.

So take two on the regular posting and we'll see how we go from here.
I think I am (as always) too ambitious and then I get overwhlemed so do nothing! Hence, just a short post today.

I've done a bit of teaspooning this(scroll to teaspooning) week.  Just a little one, but important. 

My lovely Dad, and my lovely husband both made a couple of off-the-cuff comments to other males about "Not being a girl" or "How's your ovaries" and "Stop being a girl".  Y'know the comments that use girl/female/so called feminine behaviour as an insult. I told them that this was not appropriate and by saying those comments they were saying that being a girl was worse then being a man.  I said that I don't want my daughter exposed to that type of comment. My Dad seemed to take it on board, at least I think he will curb those comments around my daughter and his other grandchildren.  My husband, stubborn, argumentative love that he is, didn't really get it, but seems to understand that I find it offensive and will curb it on the basis of that. 

So my little act of teaspooning for the week.  It was both easier and harder than I thought it would be.