A safe space (Bookclub is awesome, wrapped in bacon awesome)

With shirtless libidinous Hugh Jackman (insert other crush here) awesome.

We all need safe spaces.  Where we can talk, and discuss and explore.  And laugh.  Feel better about ourselves and the world.  Regroup if needed.  Feel like we are connected.  Feel like we are Heard.  That we are cared for.

I am lucky enough and have enough privilege, to have a few of those spaces in my life.

One of them is Bookclub.  Created and managed by my wonderful sister, who shall be known in this blog as DootDoot. (Strumpette christened her so.)

Bookclub is once a month. We read a book, we meet at one another's houses and we talk about said book.  Very simple.

But oh the joy.
I often desire meaningful conversation in my life.  Not necessarily serious, but conversation that talks about stuff that matters.  Bookclub fulfills this desire so well.  The books we pick aren't necessarily feminist books or books about 'big' stuff.  They have generally been fiction.  But the books have allowed us to discuss feminism, relationships, gender, activism, the importance of pets, writing styles, race, politics., class, education. 

And laugh.  At each other (gently and not-so-gently), with one another, about men, children, life, genitals, swearing and just funny stuff that happens on the night.  Laughter until there are tears in our eyes, doubled over, gasping, fading off into giggles.  The kind of stuff that makes you laugh out loud later in the week when you think about it.  And people look at you strangely when you do so.  (Maybe that last parts just me).

Each time I come home from Bookclub, I am happy. Inspired.  Proud to know and be part of such a wonderful, thoughtful, intelligent caring bunch of women.  Who don't take shit but like to give it.

And though some of them would reject the label, everyone of them, to me is feminism personified.

Thank-you, my Bookclub women.

Down Under Feminist Carnvial is Up! Woop!

Go read the 31st Down Under Feminist Carnival, at Hoyden about Town.
Neglect your children, ignore your in-tray, divert your phones to voice mail, shut the door, it's time for lunch, a cuppa, and a good read. 

Just quietly, please submit to the next carnival - held HERE!  Too exciting!
Either direct to me, or preferably at this little handy do-dad. 

Strumpet.

I am holding the Down Under Feminist Carnival in January

Hello everyone,

Yes I am a slack blogger.  Life and things and children and stuff have been distracting.  But I do miss it.

On a brighter note, I am holding the Down Under Feminist Carnival in January, 2011!  Woop!
So, I thought I better spruce this blog up a little.  I'm going to try and post twice a week.  Yup, twice!  Do you think you can handle the excitement?  Anyone?  *crickets*. 

Ahem...
So I will try to post Monday, and Saturday.  Please fell free to suggest things for me to post on. I will try to honour your requests, unless their boring topics of course :).

See you Saturday.

Cheers,

Strumpet.

NOT the way to continue this conversation..

A few months ago I went out to a suburban club.  I danced with a bunch of guys, my girlfriends I was there with and had a grand old time generally.  However, on 3 seperate occasions I had an identical conversation with men.

I had told each of these men that I was married (their actions indicated to me that they wanted to do more then dance). 

They then asked me why I was out on my 'own' (even though I was with 3 girlfriends).  When I answered with something like - "Because I want to be" (Incredulous look, pissed off tone).

They then said "If you were mine I wouldn't let you out by yourself"".

The tone was fully intended as a compliment, like if I was theirs they couldn't bare to have me unaccompanied by their manly selves...


Oh vomit. It shows how fucked up things are when men think this a good thing to say to a woman.

Death and Feminism

Someone near and dear to me recently died.  Due to his illness, the last few weeks of his life was a drawn out shitty time of pain, dizziness, vomiting and indignity. 

It's not something I would have wished on Tony Abbot, let alone someone I admired and loved.  (Ha de ha ha, see my funny there - I replaced worst enemy with Tony Abbot.  I am a comedian extraordinaire.While I'm on it, this post is not about youth in asia.  Dear lord, someone stop the chuckles!)

So it got me to thinking about the rights of the dying - they don't have many really. They should have more. 

They should have the right to dignity and it is denied to them.
They should have the right to not be subjected to torture or cruel and unusual punishment and it is denied to them.

So, Euthanasia advocacy and activism here I come.  It is something that I have always been vaguely 'for' but this has crystallised it for me.  I don't want another person to have to suffer this way. Death is a big part of life and we largely ignore it, I think.

What has this got to do with feminism?  Well feminism is about equal rights for all.  Dignity for all.  And I am feminist.  So I stand up and I say, Euthanasia is a hard subject, an emotive subject, a shitty thing to have to sort out. But so is abortion.  So is rape. So are a lot of things. But to do nothing is worse.

So I may donate some money to Exit International or a similar organisation.  I'll sure as hell be writing to my state and federal members on this issue.  I don't know what else.  But I will stand up and say we, they, those to come - deserve more.

Link-o-rama

Damn right!
http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/2010/06/14/breastfeeding-is-a-feminist-issue/

Down Under Feminist Carnival - yea.  One day I will be brave enough to nominate myself.  When I've written something I'm a little in love with I think.
http://rachelhills.tumblr.com/post/665473491/the-best-of-the-rest-of-the-blogosphere-down-under-femin

The way Blue Milk writes is just so...right. 
http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2010/06/12/the-love-and-the-hate/
I think she is brave for writing this, because when I have expressed simlair things to other people they seem SHOCKED that you could hate parenting, or loathe that your child is awake.  Because us parents, especially us mothers, we are martyrs and sacrifice ourselves on the altar of our kids - bleurgh!.

Thoughts on vulvas, what we do to them and how this fits in to our current culture (western, privileged culture)
http://thedawnchorus.wordpress.com/2010/05/24/nick-cut/


This really says everything I need to say about consent and how the patriarchy works against it.  And maybe how women are taught about consent.  It's not just yes and no.
http://jezebel.com/5550321/why-the-kendra-wilkinson-sex-tape-should-make-you-angry

Women's friendships with women.  Did you learn how to deal with conflict?
http://thehathorlegacy.com/women-solidarity-and-no-conflict-ever-programming/

Some answers on Rape Culture and why you can't stop yourself being raped.

Some of my girlfriends read this post and they made questions along these lines:
Saying that a girl isn't thinking about her safety by going somewhere with a group of men isn't being sexist, it's just about safety. 

I'm paraphrasing of course, but I think that was the gist of their comments (apologies if I'm misrepresenting you, my loves!).

I couldn't answer you at the time, except to say THAT is exactly the problem and THAT is rape culture right there.

Having pondered on it, I can now (hopefully) answer you better. And maybe these things could help too.

Maybe it isn't safe to go somewhere with a group of guys.  Maybe it is.  The point is, as long as we question what a woman was doing in a given situation where she was raped, verbally  or sexually abused or had her safety threatened we are blaming her.  We are saying that she COULD have done something different.  And when does that stop?  And who gets to decide? And when is it unsafe? (especially considering you are more likely to be raped or sexually assualted by someone you know)

Is it unsafe when you have drunk too much? How much is too much? 1 drink, 4 drink, 10 drinks?

When your skirt is too short? How short? How tight?

When you were too flirty? What's flirty? Who decides?

When you were with too many strangers? How many is too many? When does a person become someone you can know and trust?

When you were dancing suggestively? What makes it suggestive? How should you dance?

When you were having intimate interactions with someone? At what point does it mean that you were 'up for it'?  When does it become 'too late to back out'?

As long as we make these calls on women - What were they doing there? How come they were that drunk? Why were they wearing that, at that time, at that location -  we are placing the onus on women to keep themselves safe, to keep themselves from being raped.  At what point do we stop limiting ourselves and our actions to be safe?  We can't stop ourselves from being raped, anymore then we can stop being smited by a vengeful sprite :D. 

We can't stop it happening to us, because we can't do anything to cause it.  That is not meant to frighten you, it is meant to free you.  Women can't stop rape occuring to them, because it's not our actions (or inactions) that cause rape.

Rapists cause rape.
Rapists are the only ones who can stop it.


(I understand that there is actions women can take to educate men (who are the people most likely to rape other people, especially women) about consent, but that is not the argument I am refuting, or the point I am trying to make.  Hope that makes sense...)