Musings

Today, I am so grateful for having such great friends.  I have old friends, book club friends, bellydancing friends, and motherhood related friends. There's overlap in all these groups, but they have their own history, their own dynamic and their own way in making feel useful and wanted in this world. 

Their ability to help me synthesise my thoughts and create joy in my life is so important and needed.

I think having friends that are parents, and that are on the same vague parenting page as you, is almost essential to Motherhood.  The way society is set up at the moment, stay-at-home mums tend to spend the majority of their time with their children as the only adult.  Finding other Mothers who are on the same page makes connecting and hanging out that much easier, and the experience of Motherhood that little bit less lonely.   So today I am grateful for those friends, and for finding friends, old and new.

The neverending struggle

So
I am relatively new to this whole parenting gig.  About a year new. And I am a SAHM and my husband works, so the lion's share of care falls to me.  This is the decision we made, and I am all good with that.

We just recently celebrated the Bubbanor's 1st birthday a few weeks ago.
And for the most part, I love it.  It's endlessly fascinating and entertaining and changing.

But it also WORK. And the part that I find the most work? Not the nappy washing, the bum changing, the breast feeding, the food feeding, the outfit changing and all that associate drudgery.

It is ensuring that my partner is involved in her care when we are together.  Let me clarify, when I am not there he is all fine with her routine, and going out and about and making decision about what to do when and where.

But when I am there, he abdicates this responsibility to me.  Because I know her best, because it is second nature to me to pack her bag early, to decide to go out at this time because it work best for that nap or mealtime.  And it would be easy for me to let him do that.  But that is not what I signed up for. That is not how I want our parenting to be.  So I work at it.

What time do you think we should head out tomorrow?

When works best for X?

You decide, you know her schedule, what do you think is best?

X time.

Good, okay, cool.

The problem is that I am the one that always asks this question - if I don't ask it, it is assumed that I am taking care of it.

At bathtime, if I am there, he forgets to get out a night nappy, pyjamas, to check the time, and so he will ask for me to do these things.  He copes when I am not there, but when I am there, he abdicates again and again.

I am the one who keeps an eye on the clock for snacks, for lunch, for bathtime. I am the one who reminds him that is the time for these things.  Because if I don't remind him, then they are left for me.

I know I need to talk to him about this, and I know he is aware he does it but he still does it.  It would be less tiring to give up and just do those things myself - without the reminder, without pushing him to make the decision. And it has suprised me, that this thing is the most tiring part of parenting.

 But I refuse to capitulate.  But it is work and I don't feel like it will ever end. It is tiring to continually be struggling

Is this an unusual parenting thing or does this tend to happen when one parent has the lion's share of care?  I would be interested in your responses and thoughts....

Feminisim 101

So - I identify as a feminist.

I used to say 'No I'm not a feminist, I'm for equality". Mainly because that word "Feminist" was too confronting, too on the offense for the majority of people I speak to. And I did not have the knowledge to argue further.

But now I'm trying to learn. And I understand the Feminism is all about Equality. And I'm trying to live my life with a little more "Hey, not cool" when I see patriarchy, misogyny and rape culture going on.

But I'm learning, and I'm navigating my way through to my own brand of feminism. And I have a lot of reading to do on theory, of which I have done pretty much nada.

And the point is...

Not much really...
I like to rant, and I have much to rant about.
So I thought I would rant here...
Expect to see biased, poorly constructed ranting on, but not limited to: feminisim, motherhood, men, horses, dogs, dickheads, my daughter, my family, my nieces and nephews, fire season, awareness, jobs, dis-ability, 4WDs, vaginas, how models should embrace pasta, chips and sandwiches, how stillettos are evil but I cant help but buy they are so pretty, food, how I used to be hot, raunch culture and things that are fugly. And ranting.